Characters

When The CyberSlug first teamed up with part mechanized megalomaniac, Android Tate, little did he know just how deranged the self-serving, artificially unintelligent influencer really was. Needless to say, in the subsequent period has been given more than enough evidence, to know better. To wallow in the poor old Slug’s misery, you can now catch up with every cringey moment of their hapless partnership.

Since the exposure of the so called ‘Pedophile Priest’ Scandal, the poor Archbishop has been running scared, hiding in shadows and confining himself to the sanctuary of the church walls, such is the violent intent of the brutal PEDO VIGILANTES! He, of course, has always denied any wrongdoing. Yes, there had been the odd instances at choir practice that may well have been misconstrued but circumstantial evidence does not a Guilty Verdict make.

Anyway, despite the best endeavours of these ‘holier than thou’ thugs, The Archbishop’s work continues and now the files are open for your perusal (unredacted). Enjoy!

As its often pointed out, it’s not easy being the Leader Of His Majesty’s Loyal Oposition – but it’s significantly worse when you’re one of the shittest MP’s of all time! Luckily ‘Kemical’ had a very impressive background in GCSE Kemistry, and spent a lot of her free time engaging in Humanity changing experiments. Read her extraordinary logs right here.

Poor Norm! He’s found himself Unemployed for the best part of thirty odd fuckin’ years! And, more to the point it’s not been his fault! It really started with the bleedin’ New Labour Project – The so called Tony Blair Years! He’s the geeky cunt wot let all the bleedin’ illegals in, didn’t he? What did they do? I’ll tell you wot they did!! They hoovered up all the decent English jobs and chored all the dole money an’ all! No wonder we’re all on our ‘frozen peas’. For years, Norm, like so many others has felt politically homeless but finally – finally – has been offered a slight glimmer of hope…in the shape of former commodities trader, and son of a wealthy stockbroker, Nigel Farage with his strong and stable party, REFORM UK. If you can empathise with Norm, then here’s your chance to follow him as he follows Nige!!

A few years back, I pulled three students out of The Westcliffe School of Advanced Witchcraft. I honed their skills, dressed them in comic book action uniforms, gave them all sorts of super-size fuck off shooters, and taught them The Seven Wonders of Ancient Wiccan Magick! They were known as ‘Widow’, ‘Ghost’ and ‘Ree’… I’m Crowley and these are ….’Crowley’s Angels’

It’s not all bad news! So many people nowadays seem to be wandering around looking glum and moaning about their shitty existence – Not the Gobster! He’s up and punching the bag (especially the brown bags). He’s not waiting about for a leg up or a handout, though he never says no to a handout. He’s out on the front line doing whatever it takes to win back are country – but of course that does take money – and that’s where yous lot come in! Come on, guys – it’s time to stump up!! The revolution wont fund itself!!

When young Karen Krator signed up to the local ‘lookalike’ Agency, she could never have forseen the Walford World of Wonder that she was about to unlock! Now, as the country‘s leading Kat Slater Impersonator and a regular face at every store opening, Celebrity Night Club and special event she’s really made her showbiz mark! If you think she’s not your mother, she’s gonna tell ya – ‘Yes I Am!!!”

She may be the shittest MP of all time, ever, but on the upside she does own a Snow White style magic mirror!Her slightly better lookin reflection, ‘Mirror Pretty’ certainly takes no prisoners when answering Mrs. Patel.Follow her miserable journey into despair and self-loathing – You’ll love it!!

“Back in 2019 a mighty plague swept across the world, killing billions of people, particularly Pensioners with pre-existing conditions, whilst driving many more into some inexpicable state of fury and madness. Luckily, due entirely to the intellect, Etonian heroism of our leader, and our newly recovered freedom from EU oversight, we were able to roll out a superb vaccine many, many hours before the hopelessly shackled members of the European project. (a true Brexit bonus) Sadly, despite the excellent work of the world-beating government, many sceptics refused to take the splendid serum, believing, as they did, that it contained a microchip that some secret dark state junta would later use to control their thoughts and deeds. Ironically, not taking the jab left them vulnerable to the evil, airborne viral particles which slowly but surely started to degrade their already minuscule brains and turn them into ravenous, cannibalistic, Far Right Nutjobs. Soon they were out, rioting, raping, and tweeting bollocks on the X platform – some were even voting for Reform UK, unbelievable as it now seems. Eventually for the sake of mutual recognition, they took to wearing traffic cones on their heads and became known to the rest of us as ‘Coneheads’ – or simply – THE INFECTED!”

Twelve has lived her young live as a laboratory guinea pig. Upon escape she travels through space to Earth where she meets her first ever friend, Mike. Her new found happiness is short lived as her former tormentor, Papa has followed her across the universe to Hawthorn in Kent, where all hell is about to break loose.

When their crashes over a frozen outback, a bunch of schoolgirl, Football stars are forced to fight for their survival. Mercifully the haunting spirits of the forest are kind to them, and choose to bestow unbelievable powers upon them.